it's no surprise to me i am my own worst enemy

it's about time for me to get some thoughts out on "paper." i'm feeling more disconnected from myself this week. hopefully spending some time in thought about the last few days will help me reconnect.

so, i go the great news monday evening that i had lost 3.8 pounds over the last week. that was awesome. i hadn't used any of my weekly flex points, or any of the 20 activity points i earned. i was so focused last week, and it was easy. monday night after the meeting we had dinner with some of our favorite friends. i haven't really been telling anyone that i'm doing WW. i'm just kinda sick of being that girl that's always trying a new diet and always failing in front of all the people i've told about the new "miracle" program i was doing. so this time, i've really not told very many people at all. i didn't even tell ben until it had been over a week. so anyways, our friends didn't know that i'm doing WW and she had made this fabulous batch of sour cream enchiladas. the weird thing is, it was completely fine for me to eat them. i could've eaten twice as much and still been just fine. that's why WW is designed the way it is...to allow for stuff like that.

but what happened was that i've spent every single day since then feeling guilty. it's that old dieting mindset that says you couldn't possibly lose weight eating sour cream enchiladas and chips.

so even though i've absolutely been on plan, no cheating whatsoever, i feel like i'm not doing well this week...and i'm not eating differently at all except that one meal. i don't understand myself.

and because i don't feel successful in the eating department, i'm not as confident about my running. and technically, i've only missed one run this week, out of 5, so that's not any kind of bad. but i'm just beating myself up about this. dumb.

so i need to figure out how to snap my mind out,because my actions are still really good so far (which is great, i mean, in the past i'd probably have felt like i failed and just decided to blow the whole week). i should feel proud...when was the last time i went an entire month working out 3-6 times per week...or eating healthfully every single day without fail? i've been so successful! why don't i feel like it?

so my hope is that i hit the ten pound mark this week. i think i can definately do it. i love how this program has some how taken weight loss from a painful task and turned it into a fun competition...me against myself. i can't really put it into words just yet...i just know that it somehow appeals to the part of me that's a perfectionistic overachieving teacher's pet in a way other weight loss approaches never have.

then i realized today...if i can keep this up...if i can lose about ten pounds a month, i'll be down nearly 50 pounds by the time we go to the husband's parent's house for christmas. i got so excited imagining how awesome that would be...how great i'd feel about myself, and getting attention for losing so much since they last saw me. i love this idea.

so i'm going to focus on that...how rad i'm going to look in the family christmas pictures...