crappy holidays

as far as the eating went, anyways. the rest was mostly fine.

we were at the mister's parent's house. i did SO well the first few days, really. then i just gradually lost my resolve, started feeling sorry for myself when i was eating a whimpy salad and everyone else was gorging on lasagna and pie. and pity parties lead to emotional eating.

i will say, in my favor, that my overeating was nowhere near as awful as it would have been pre-WW. the other negative contributing factor was that it was all snowy and icky up there, and whenever i tried to go for a jog or a walk around the neighborhood, i either slipped and fell on ice, or was frozen through and through within minutes. so the working out wasn't so much there. and by "wasn't so much there" i mean "didn't happen at all"

but, this is life. it was one week out of five months, and i can move on. jump right back in there and get back to success. i certainly haven't failed...maybe just a pause? yes. that's what it was. a pause.

so i'm back on track- facing the facts of the scale in a few days, scheduling my next session with my trainer, and counting points till the cows come home.

long live weight watchers!!

hungry hungry hippo

over the last week i've been hungry about 100% of the time! it's been crazy! i cut back on my workouts last week since EVERYONE seemed to think that i was working out too much to show a loss at the scales. i feel like i'm HYBERNATING! i did really well staying on plan despite the hunger issues...but around sunday it started feeling like i couldn't hold out anymore.

monday i had a pretty significant lunch at a local chinese place. it was delicious. and 23 points. yikes!

at the meeting monday i decided to not weigh in. so i have no weight updates for you.

but i decided that night that i would try the CORE plan for a week. this plan allows you to eat MORE food, but from a "restricted" list of foods (the plan i've been doing thus far allows you to eat anything you want, and focuses on portion control etc). i figured that if i can't beat the hunger, i should at least FEED it in a healthy way.

CORE is a little scary to me. i've considered trying it for awhile, but have never had the courage. it requires a bit more planning than the FLEX plan, but i'll tell ya, i haven't been hungry today!

that's one great thing about WW...you can try both plans and find what works for you...you can switch back and forth depending on your needs (as long as you do one plan for the entire week). so i'm nervous about "failing" this week and not staying within the CORE requirements, but at the same time, i hear that tons of people "try" CORE and never go back!! i guess whatever works is what's right for me!!


and, in case anyone is interested, my friends over at the oregonww board and i have started a blog that will have lots of before/after (or during) pictures and stuff. they're an incredible group of people...inspirational and fun! you can find us at www.oregonwwers.blogspot.com

the world spins madly on

well i did it. today i achieved my 10% goal. and i entered "onederland" (that's what WWers say when you leave the 200lb range).

and i want to feel excited. i want to be thrilled and cheer and reward myself. but i just don't. i had been looking forward to this benchmark since i started WW in august. i had pictured it and planned for it. but it wasn't at all as i had imagined.

i think it's a result of my frustration these last three weeks. playing around with two ounces here and there, despite working SO HARD at the gym and being so diligent about food etc. it just feels like, what's all that doing? i'm burning over 600 calories everytime i'm at the gym, which is 5x week...how am i not losing POUNDS?!?! it is hard to stay patient and determined with no tangible results to motivate and reward me.

most people give themselves some kind of reward when they hit 10% and/or onederland. i hadn't even thought about it. and truthfully i'm so bummed out about how slow the weight loss has been lately, it doesn't feel like there's anything to celebrate.

i'm really hoping that what all the WWers keep telling me is true...it's all about the body getting used to this much activity...water retention, muscle density blah blah blah.

cause if not? then what will i do? keep losing two ounces a week for the rest of my life? keep waking up at 5am and busting my toosh at the gym for almost NO loss? this is a little overwhelming.

from endorphin high to measurement low...

just finished up with an intense workout with my personal trainer Luke. he's basically awesome. he's a great balance of being fun and friendly and smiling nicely while making me think i'm dying. he's great at that last one.

anyway. i was feeling so great from the endorphins after all that cardio, and luke and i decided to take measurements so we could keep track of inches lost.

and with a little wimpy measurement tape, depression came rushing into my world. i feel like so many things are preventing me from feeling good about the pounds i've lost. i was feeling pretty good this week...but now that i've seen those numbers, i just feel aweful. i've been brave enough to list my weight here, which is huge for me. but i'll not be listing the measurements. i can hardly stand it.

luke was super great about being encouraging and saying "breanna, you're young and you're doing great and working hard. you're going to lose it all." then he said something i have never thought i'd hear said about me.

"you've got a fabulous figure in there. the proportions are good. we've just got to get down to it."

and, maybe this is pathetic, but i nearly cried. i, I????? have a fabulous figure in there????? seems impossible. and now, if for no other reason that he really believes in me and knows how to "get down to it" i want to find any way possible to afford continuing to work with luke until i find that figure he seems to think i've got.

i'm thinking of selling my plasma. or my shoes. or anything. if there's a figure in there, ANY figure, i'd do just about anything to get to it.