that's how close i was to getting my 10% goal yesterday...the very day i had worked towards getting it.
2 ounces.
it's basically a slap in the face.
that's how i've felt for the last 22 hours anyway. but, being stuck on a non-moving freeway for 6 hours today gave me time to think. sure, 2 ounces is almost nothing...my shirt weighed more...i could've tried to pee out 2 ounces. but that wasn't the point. why was i so focused on 2 ounces instead of the 21.8 pounds that i've lost over the last 4 months? and why does it feel like not enough? i have placed so much pressure on myself to be exactly 40 pounds lighter by christmas so that my husband's family would be impressed...and that has caused me to feel like i've failed.
21.8 pounds less is failure?
no, of course not. and for the first time in my life, all the pieces are in place...i really am making permanent changes in my life. my thinking is changing dramatically. my relationship with food is already SO different...in four months after 25 years of a certain lifestyle, mindset and obsession with food. that is no failure. 2 ounces is nothing in comparison.
and if it takes me two years instead of one to lose all 80 pounds, fine. it's slower than i want, so what? two years to be where i've always wanted to be, where i need, for the rest of my life.
i was telling my husband last night about my dissappointment. i said, "i mean, i know i'm doing fairly well. i'm staying on plan, i don't cheat. i've been completely consistent for four months straight, so i'm doing well."
he said, "doing well?! you've lost 21.8 pounds in four months...you've never missed a meeting...you've never stopped tracking your points...you're working out regularly and you haven't cried ONCE in four months about this like you have other 'diets.' you're not doing well. you're doing great!"
and you know what? he's right.
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6 comments:
you're amazing! i'm totally inspired by you as always!
p.s. Heads 'sup strangers are not the only ones reading your blogs...just be mindful if your trying to impress the inlaws and all...
anonymous:
are you a family member? seems like you could be... if you've been offended by something on this blog, i do apologize. my goal with this blog is to document this, the greatest challenge of my life. i think my husband's family knows me pretty well...they know i struggle with my weight, they know it's a big deal. they know i've felt very intimidated by how gorgeous (and kind) they all are.
i guess what i'd like to say is, please let me know what, specifically, you're concerned about within this blog. it is not my intention to offend anyone.
the reason this plan is working for you, is because you are making changes for YOU, not for anyone else. there are three people who have opinions that matter, jesus, his dad, and god. don't worry about what anyone else says. if you were doing it to impress your in-laws, you'd have given it up a long time ago. you're smart enough to know that they either accept you as they are, or they don't.
ha ha ha... i meant to say TWO people.
rebecca marie-
this is why you are a finger (did i say it right?). you know just how to flood me with peace. i love you!
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